Offically i am locking my blog for good.i wont be allowing ppl to access unless you are close enough with me to see...i hate it.I am having a swollen cheek..a very bloated stomach i drag for 2 to 3 weeks..now a flu..Few weeks ago still have to go tru so many amendments on my teeth...i am tired actually..i am trying my hardest to hold it altogether..I hate what i am going tru now..yet i am still...holding..always put a very happy front..pretend nothing is wrong.Working even though i shld be resting.I am totally drained..burnt..
And i really dont know why i can be laughing so happily everyday..joking..pretend nothing is wrong is killing silently inside me..I really hate this character of mine.Keep thinking of others..concerning of others,wont do any good..Yet i am this foolish...I dislike ppl around me,to be unhappy...So somtimes i try to joke around even i may be feeling very down inside..I shld just stop all this isnt it...
Keep telling myself these few days..life has its down..its alright..its alright..I am just pathetic.Its just like repeating yourself lies after lies...Totally stressed out at work...yet all the stupid rules or just a most simple of human rights...are all totally gone.All i know is...i have to do this dat this that...again again..worst..is the worst is yet to come......WHat next when you are so packed with so many informations when you just started work...vacuum floor,wipe kids backsides..clean teachers cups..coach kids to their classes when they dont want to...wipe tables chairs..white board...i almost tink i'm no diff with a cleaner.i am applying for admin...in the end...its somehow a cleaner.Giving out flyers...a must in the job it seems..wats next..wats next..can u just tell me everything at one go...i am tired of guessing whats next.
At this moment...i am telling myself its okies to feel sad..U are already working very hard..you deserve a pat on the shoulder...though everyone may sometimes treat you invisible..but thats alright.You done your job.......Right now i deserve..to just let out my tears and vent out my sadness too isnt it.....Singing i am nv good enuf to let ppl see the good in me..I left becus i just cant understand the love of singing..can let all good frds turn to strangers..Being a stewardess,for i am always tinking of others,i always be the one kana bullied and do more....Being a kind soul,i may even travel all the way home from workplace..just to get the food i forget to bring for my workmate..yet to turn out in the end the person talk behind me..I always do things without any motive..or returns...Yet things always turn in the opp way..I am tired of being nice....you tell me how shld i just believe again.
can someone pull me out from all these stupid mess i am in now...i feel totally...like the value of shit now..to the bottom of the pit..cant get out.complete darkness.
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