...Dont push me around..

I realize one thing today...

I am a person who looks so "chin chai"..that ppl like to take me for granted,
who thinks i have zero temper...
who thinks they understand me,but they are all wrong..
who think of things that can benefit them,but zero for others..

i realize i am so dumb...
All of a sudden..i really thing everything start with a motive...
ppl who treats u nice..ppl who get close to u...all start and end..
with something that benefits them..

I have my temper..When i dont show it doesnt mean that i dun care..
Its jux that i had hide it well...
I am not as native as u think...
Its jux that i hide it well so that,sometimes being "blur"..can be happier..
I know who treats me in their true self...who bother when i am at my lowest point..

For those who dont..
Dun even try think u can gain any benefits from me..thinking i am Ms Ok everytime...
I have my limit of tolerence...
The minute gets there..
I will make sure to keep myself a real distance..
gaurd myself with a diff kind of coldness...
Deep down,i am disgusted.

Sometimes...being busy can be fun.

ystdy had been a very busy aftern..cmpy my mum go chinatown that area to change her money to china dollar..lol..I went a big round at the complex opp OG jux to find the highest rate money changer..wah..i really stupia..turn out its jux rite outside the complex..-.-"'....lol~Okies,and the queue am soooooo long until...wah~!!bo bian jux queue lo!haha~cmpy my mum awhile,then off i go to find ping & bin..(My cousins) at little india..

Its getting v near the indian festive season..So..its basically around this time i will also start showing my face at my cousin's dad shop..helping out.haha~It sound strange,but my uncle is a chinese selling all indian clothings..My cousins are both there,so..there were alot of usual gossips,craps..rubbish when we meet up..haha~I am forever entertained,listening to their stories...Had a fun time last night,though it was tiring la..And after we close shop,all of us with my aunt,went serangoon garden n ta bao FooD..(: Satays..hokkien mee..osyster..etc~(Of cux,in the end,i end up staying in their house overnite..lol,as uaual~!)

Thats my v happening day at little india..haha~There is more to cum though..Guess while i am searching job,its also no harm to keep myself busy..at least i feel more useful..Staying at home,doing nothing is killing me slowly lo!haiz..(at the v least,my rabbit will be keep out of reach for me to "torture" him..wahaha~!)

Pick up the pieces..Put it together.

Mood of the day...

disappointed..

must pick up my sense of direction again...

where's my courage..
gone..?
i feel like giving up..

but if i do,i am such a loser..

Soon..i will have the answer.
If i still like what i did...

First thing..Feel,breathe,..be positive.

Its hard,but without this..i will topple..
I wont..I cant..jia you hui..U need alot of courage..
walking alone..jia u..

Really grateful on my grp of wonderful frds..

lol...been really lazy lately..Dun feel like blogging too..damn sian..life been a routinue of finding jobs,going to intervw etc..hope to find it asap la~haiz..I realize i cant be free for long..I Need To Work~!!!I cant stand anymore minute at home,cux its getting damn boring~!!!Guess i am too used to being v busy working when i was then a crew..The minute it stop,i feel empty sia~~(GOD I NEED A JOB I LOOK TO EYE OF~~)

Well time to update where i haf been on my birthday(:Its been a happening day..haha,imagine i 7am then reach home..my mum doesnt even knw its this late..wahaha~i cover up perfectly.Anyways i was wif my grp of sec sch frds we still keep in touch with..there's weili,meihui,melia,jas..ah wend..and me!(:That morning went for swimming,with ah wend n melia..haha..basically i nv swim much as usual..i float alot though..then in the evening it was then my birthday dinner at marche(VIVO)..lol~Really no idea where to eat la..Anyways,ah wend came quite late cux of ah ma birthday..and jas too..BUT i still wanna say thanks and i really appreacite the effort u guys took to come...ex ah wend la..the gift and everything..

And some words here i wanna say to ah wend tru here..If u happen to read this,all this are what i wanted to tell u..That day all of us had a good long chat..I already know u been avioding this "topic"..U pretend like the break up nv really happen or play an impact..As a close frd,i know it hurt..and that day when u finally cry,i feel at least better..Cux u are such a person who dun show emotion even when u are sad..Wend u are a very amazing and strong person..I oso wan say that dun feel sad u cant have a good celebration on my 21st..really....Ya,i feel disappointed..But that was then..Its the thoughts that count.Even if nobody know how to appreacite such a traditional and always cheerful wend,i do k!!U got this frd always for u(: JIA U~~!!I really so bad in expressing myself..haha~Hope u somehow understand what i say(:Go listen 周华健 friends...haha~~!!!so Random~~!!!

Thank u to all the wonderful evening...some pics













Ah Wend Jia U~~!!!!!

Will go back to the thing i love soon..A matter of time

Today happening ar...But jux dunno why kinda spoilt cux of my very very tired me..Omg lo..really have No~Idea~Why..this few days am sooo tired??Its not as if i not enuf rest..In fact its more then enuf..Okies meet up wif jen after soooo long to see her v v Cutie Pie Baby Elly!!haha~I get so frighten when she cried everytime when i hold her!The panic look on me is like an entertainment to Ah wend and jen la..LOL.Still...she is very adorable la.(:

Hmm..time to update what has happened to me these past few days resting at home..been to a few intervws.Not very exciting ones..haha.Kind of salah actually..though they want me..But still...i reject.Cux i am really sick of changing..So sick that i am being really like extra careful in any jobs i take le..My bestie Ah wend says i m fussy though..lol..gal i am a virgo,and they(me) tend to be slightly fussy..hahaha..

Well..during this period..Ah wend actually suggest going for composing class..She wants take piano lessons once again..Something inside me trigger as well...Thats singing...Really feel like taking singing all over again..I just purely want to sing..thats as simple as that.Last year i left this passion of mine..want so much to throw it one side..Cux at the moment,I hate it so much..HATE(In Caps).Feel as if i am so lousy in it,that i am actually disgusted wif myself..haha..drama?but its true..i suppose i try too hard le..totally depressing at the point of time.Feel as if no one knows it..No one to help...When i left..i took alot of courage..afterall 5years...

I started when i was 17 that year..Why i start??haha..I saw peter tan in this trial lesson held 5yrs back..I thought..Wow~What a powerful delivery of song!!I was very amazed..I was wif Ah wend,bfang then..haha..It was around there when MC open as well.Memories~~In the end the two of them nv join me..I sign up singing class,alone(Not knowing i sound how bad in singing)hahaha...It was there i know tammy(a very quiet gal),ernest(a very friendly guy),sharon(a gal who quit halfway..)....

So the story continue and i really cant believe..Time pass jux like that..So many left,till after 3yrs..i am left alone having lesson wif peter.ha..Great teacher..Alot of interesting lessons wif him..He really taught alot..And i guess he nv know,i was actually touched when he say during one lesson..Do you know you really improve alot?This one sentence till now i still keep in my heart..for he's one who nv really praise at all..I know deep down i improve..Who don't when one keep going ktv every week jux to train her pitch..I was nv good..it was a very difficult process...No one knows..ha..i can keep going till that particular ktv waiter/ress,are all my friends..i was crazy.Thats me when i set my mind and do something...

Then the age of 20..somebody i dun even know initally tell me.."I think you have a very rare low tone.."and yes...i believe..and so the 2nd person tell me the same thing..I believe....Going to the recording etc...I believe them again..Not even knowing how truly true in their words they said then..I believe..For i really like singing so much..I dun care a damn anymore..but i left..after a year...What make me leave?I was nv in their list i realise..its all verbal..I put total trust in them too fast...Telling myself lies..console myself..yet then..they nv really sit down and chat wif me this matter again...Never.The great disappointment make me totally gave up in the end.I didnt even try to work hard anymore...I nv show..doesnt mean i dun care..at all.Till now..well i bet i being left long forgotten..its been a year.Yet it seem so long ago..ha.

But..leaving the passion i am so crazy about..I will soon pick it up again..I will want to enjoy the process of learning again..haha..I know i jux love to sing purely..Who cares about my low tone anymore..haha..I JUX WAN TO SING!!!

feel so tired...No idea why................

Omg..watch this..so crazy...(-.-)"'

Okies..kind of lazy to update this few days..so tired.I got no idea wat hapen to me..I feel so damn tired in daylight..But cant get to slp though at night..Yes..And for the past 3 days..i slp only at 4am..i cant get to slp!!its like omg la...i am juz like a walking zombie in the day..):i tink its really am the after effect of the result in staying for quite a while in stupia airline..muz faster switch back..Argh..H~E~L~P.....