Such a useless creature...thats me.

..Very tired..I jux so tired deep down..Appear like i care..actually i dont..keep thinking this maybe what i want..turn out i walk a big round to realize..its not.I jux want to have a peace of mind.A day free of worries is wat i wan..Yet,things are disturbing me non stop....Life..is like,cux u want that thing..so u go and work hard for it.Ya..I did.Juz like any other ppl out there..ppl who really know.I tried...maybe even more then anyone can imagine...and..turn out...working hard doesn't pay.Doesn't.......Such a useless me..I am one.Give up..defeated...Don't feel like thinking juz on any other matter anymore.........or it may turn out,me..alone walking back to point..zero.

*sIgh..My Leave Ending already...

Ppl..I jux cant believe it..My leave ending too soon..too fast..!It was as if ystdy i jux started my leave.Time really doesn't wait,and will nv would..Tml will be my last day of leave.After which...well...back..to..work..All the rushing for flights..sleepless nites..worries for bad wheathers..fear..phofia..etc~XIn Ku..But must really endure..I tell myself..endure more.I wouldn't want to pay so much..I dunno know.It was not a small amount..Maybe a few mths later ba..sigh.(Outside market is not good at all..)My many bills to pay..etc..cant afford myself to leave jux like dat.

Life goes on and go jux like that..My leave week is actually a week for me to give some serious thoughts on what i want..excatly..I am such a person who hates having no personal goal.To me..I strongly believe,everyone of us out there..comes to this world..with a purpose to full filled..Life is not to be wasted.Its how you want to accompliced..Somehow..deep down i already,have had some answers for myself......

Still remember when i was young i had wanted to be a doctor..ha..I am such a person who hates to lose..HATE(in Caps)lol~If there's any competitions,i would be in it...(And..I will make sure my team,or me..get in at least 1st or 2nd..)It sounds like i am such a "tao ren yan" child..haha~Still remember..when i was in primary 6..just because i cant stand an auntie whose daughter..(well,she always get in 1st for maths in our class)..That auntie Nv(I tell u NEVER) fail to show off in front of my mum..Couldn't stand it any longer,i work hard..i make sure i work v hard.So hard i almost finished the whole huGe(Scary HuGe..LOL) Pile of assessment books..In the end..I got wat i want...haha..childhood memories~I bet alot of kids hated me then..I was such a "tao ren yan" kiddo..

Thinking of all these..I must admit i change so much over the years..So much....I am no longer so "hao shen"..The only thing i nv change..i afraid is my stubbornness..Once decide..I wouldn't change..Or will nv turn back..If i do..something must have hit me real hard.lol~Dunno why suddenly so many "gan chu.."
ha..Aging makes one think more huh...Not young le...its time..la~la~la....lol..How about ppl out there..?Any Serious Thoughts How u Want Ur life to be..A decision now may even change..how ur life would turn out to be..(Gosh..I sound like an old lady..haha..)

...Back..Its Time.

sigh..These few days am so vex i think i m breaking apart pretty soon..Yes,its true i tend to think on the worse everytime..(cux things doesn't turn well v often..)i keep telling myslf to focus on my work so as to rest my mind abit..its nv easy.3wks..i left 3 weeks to decide..to go..Or not to..Time is like making a race with me.Not good at all..I feel v empty..Its my leave now,yet i wasn't making things easy for myself..For i know myself too well.If i m left facing decisions that i hate to make..i will tend to escape..I hate facing it.Who likes anyway...

Today supposed to be a happy day though..Saw my old classmates..Feel pretty strange though..Maybe cux of my foul mood,deep down..i nv enjoy..Tried hiding it..Pretending to be happy is such a tiring chore.(I am jux like a Ms Grumpy today...)Wendy..the forever goodie frd lend me a listening ear though..Thanks..Hope she really like that two gifts i get from the airport..LOL..Its so rushy that i get it,ten minutes before i go to the gate for my flight..(I tried my best gal...)

Anyways...tml will be my 2nd day of leave..Hope i will wake up in a more cheery mood.God..Please give me less worries and more enlightenings..lol..Greatly appreciate!